I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
