Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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