3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
