bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
