so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Randomize
