I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I'm bleeding and have questions
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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