How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Randomize
