I met the friendliest cop last night
i barfeds in our rink
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize