Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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