It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
