I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Randomize
