I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
