im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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