he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Randomize
