hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
