Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
