Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
