wanna go halves on a baby?
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
