And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
40s are totally the cure
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize