So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Randomize
