He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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