i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
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