i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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