just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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