I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
