why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
