her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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