I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
