I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Two words: blizzard sex
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
