I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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