my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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