i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
pray to the hookup gods
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
