Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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