Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
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