He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
