I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize