Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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