she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
