Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
