I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
