Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
