I hate your face
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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