I feel great
I just peed on a car
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
