hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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