You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize