Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
