I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
