I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Randomize
