That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
