I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
