dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
