How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
