they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Randomize
