Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
