I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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