Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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