I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
The Olympian is in my bed
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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