if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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