it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Randomize
