My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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