Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
