Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize