dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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