oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
