I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
