You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
