You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
