I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
