i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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