even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
