party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
