Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
