So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
