I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
