Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
