another moral hangover. fuck.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
