Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
