Can i not drive my cunt home
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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