nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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