I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
