all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
