Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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