It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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