you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize