Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
We are two peas in an std pod
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
