hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
