If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
