Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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