Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
tell me about the fingering
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