Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
