I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
