a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
