What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
