I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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